Heart of the Matter

This song is included in the movie trailer of Sex and the City. I fell in love with it because of the lyrics...


I've been trying to live without you now
But i miss you sometimes
The more i know, the less i understand
All the things i thought i knew, i'm learning them again

I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter
But i think it's about forgiveness
FORGIVENESS
Even if... Even if you don't love me anymore..

Solo Dancer

being single is like dancing alone on stage. the stage lights suddenly focus on you...having found their next victim. you don't have a partner to swirl you about in a flurry of taffeta...you don't have an enigmatic choreographer to teach you the steps. stage fright is your only companion. without a choice (or perhaps because of the presence of only one) you start to move and try your damn best to ignore the curious audience....and gradually you create your own choreography and begin to sway your body to the rhythm of your own beat. after a while, you start enjoying the performance....because you realize you're not dancing for the people watching you...you're actually dancing for yourself.


being single has made me strong in a way that no man has ever come close to doing. now, i myself silent my fears. i drive away my own demons. i treat my very own neurosis. i have all sorts of issues....but i deal with them. i learned to live the questions. i learned how to be patient. i learned that i can do anything i set my mind to...and that i can achieve whatever it is i truly long for. ultimately, i learned how to self-soothe and how to be a go-getter. i have become a woman who never settles for mediocrity...who fights for what is due.

and so everyday i dance on life's stage and end up discovering what i am really made of.

hello again fluid mechanics!

laminar vs. turbulent flow..
newtonian vs. non-newtonian fluids..
reynold's number..
orifice meter..venturi meter..pitot tube..

brushing up on these concepts made me feel whole again.

alive.

like meeting an old trusted friend that i haven't seen in what seems like eons.

i had a purpose back then. maybe...just maybe..engineering has been my calling all along.

kilig factor

minsan nakakaaliw rin naman...yung may hinihintay kang text...yung may naghihintay sayo sa gimikan...yung may iniisip kang iba pagkatapos ng trabaho.

yung may kilig factor.

yung tipong type mo siya. may spark. pero di mo naman balak pakasalan siya o kaibiganin man lang.

basta simpleng kilig lang. nagpapaganda ng araw mo..nagpapasigla sa mga galaw mo...nagpapatamis sa mga ngiti mo.

minsan, ang sarap lang talaga kiligin. naaalala mo na kahit nasaktan ka na dati... may pagkakataon pang magmahal muli...kung gustuhin mo.


naaalala mo na kahit malungkot ka ngayon... pwedeng bukas..hindi ka na mag-isa.





** ang hirap magtagalog sa blog! hehe **

FAITH

when you come to the edge of all the light you know.. and are about to fall into the darkness of the unknown..

Faith is knowing that only two things will happen..

There will be someday solid to stand on..

OR

You will be taught how to fly.


~0-o-0~

i finally did it.

i finally acted on what i have been meaning to do for more than six months now.

finding strength in being alone led me to this. finding myself again amidst solitude helped me take a risk.

i know who i am, i know what i want, and settling is just not an option.

i feel like i have been hiding all this time. but now, i just want to make a change...go out there...and spread my wings.

i'm going to fly away to the great unknown.

watch me.

Easter Egg Hunt

Happy Easter, my dearest reader.

hope you had a meaningful holy week.

i never got the chance to reflect and meditate about what this season really means because i was at work the whole time.

but one thing is for certain.

i'll always think of someone special during easter sunday.

when the eggs are colorful...fun...hidden.

i'll remember that this friend offered to hide these cute little ones for me to hunt.

and i'll never forget how one egg in easter time can mean a century full of smiles. :)

how apologies should be

i want to share a letter a friend of mine gave me. it's sweet...it's flattering.

it made me smile.. even though he hurt me the last time we saw each other.

thus the letter...


for all the awkward times, i guess there are moments when one realizes one was disrespectful to people who deserve better. namely, me to you.

i still don't know any words where our conversations may transcend something more than awkward. our actions, especially my own, seem unable to transcend the superficially lusty.

as badly composed as this message may seem (which also functions as a pseudo-apology) i guess the most i can say is, i can't remember any time when i was with you that i didn't want to go to bed with you. but that's life i suppose.

people just can't seem to go past their initial connections. or their immediate desires.

am i attempting to relinquish or reinforce said desires? i don't know.

for what it's worth, i'm afraid i may have decided to actually look in hindsight and say to myself, what the f_ was i thinking?

you were one among many i guess. some decided there weren't any conversations worth having unless i woke up with them, or vise versa, and some, like you, decided to realize the same question i ask myself now: wtf?

for all such moments, many of which i don't regret but humbly appreciate, many of which i know full well go anathema to every ethical populist principle i've chosen to stand for, what i'm telling you now is this: i would dislike me too.

i miss you in the most awkward way possible. why i miss you i don't know, we never really connected. there won't be any future moments i think. but the past ones, however dumb, insignificant or wondrous, remain as memories should.

lessons ultimately transposed into ideas. appreciative, regretful, etc.

but that's how things go i suppose. what is past is prologue.

and that's that. wish you well candz.