Flashbacks

i still can't stand house music.

as soon as i enter a store playing club music....i walk out, finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

there is something about this music that brings me back to you. sad to say... it also brings back the pain....and a feeling of abandonment. i start seeing flashes of the life i left behind...the life i had with you.

i can imagine myself walking a straight line these days...with careful, determined steps. once in a while....i suddenly stop walking....and look back.

wishing i could just go back yet knowing i can never return to that point.

two weeks ago i went to a bar in greenbelt and stared longingly at the resident dj the whole time i was there...hoping against hope to see you instead.

truth is....everyday is still a struggle for me. everyday is a day for fighting inner demons, healing the hurt, adjusting to my new life....really just facing the unknown as bravely as i possibly can.

a day will come, i pray, when i would be walking the line and won't be tempted to look back anymore....house music and all.