When Lightning Strikes..

it is like a bolt of lightning.

jolting every nerve in my body....leaving me reeling in disbelief.

it's over.

you're gone.

here i am trying to break old habits tinged with memories of you and discovering new things untouched by your presence....

when it suddenly hits me.

i have a new life now....and you are NOT a part of it anymore.

this bolt of lightning typically happens on most days...especially when it's pouring....when i can hear the tip-tapping of the rain outside.

and you know what breaks my heart each time "lightning strikes"?

it's the thought that the love we shared together will soon be forgotten...

that the love i thought was going to last will eventually get lost in the sands of time...

it only hurts when i breathe

rock bottom is inevitable...

for i can feel myself sinking into oblivion each passing night.

finding no solace.

no solace even in my dreams.

should i fight to keep myself afloat or should i just let myself drown?

i don't want to be rescued. i just want it to end.

it hurts when i breathe..

must i hold my breath then?

WE HURT ALONE

I mourn you
With tears and pain and wonder
With loneliness and rage
Suckling your betrayal upon my breasts
Until my heart is whole again

I mourn you
In my frosty dreams
Where the wind rips at my clothes,
Tears the flesh from my bones,
And puts me back together piece by piece

I mourn you with questions
How could you? Why did you?
How, why?
And try to find answers
when there are none
And my heart is weak and aching.

I mourn you
Sitting in darkness without me by your side
Wrapping my body around you
To keep at bay all that may hurt you

But we hurt alone
Backs turned against each other
Me disappearing into the darkness where you threw me

Soon I will fade away
But I miss you
As if death has taken you from me

the last time

you think there will always be tomorrow.. or the day after that..

you think there will always be a next time.

if only you knew it was your last kiss.

if only you knew it was the last time you would touch.

maybe you would have committed to memory every detail.

maybe you would have remembered every little thing.

..to help you get through lonely nights beyond the last time.

Business As Usual

It's business as usual out there..

The ebb and flow of the tides..

Traffic jams. The daily grind.

A teenager's first kiss.

I don't understand why it all hasn't come to a halt... how the world can keep spinning on its axis.

Not missing one revolution, my friend.

You wake up one day thinking about the color of your hair.

By the end of the day you feel so small you're not sure you'll be able to breathe.

Goodbye to my DJ

Are you into the sea of waking dreams?

Through this world of slumber,
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest world,
the truth enslaved.
You speak to me in riddles,
You speak to me in rhymes.
My body aches to breathe your breath.
Your words keep me alive.

And "I" would be the one to hold you tight.
Kiss you so hard. It'll take your breath away.
After I walk away
Wide awake...
just close your eyes.

WHO AM I?

i am drained. broke. heartbroken.

i am haunted by two years of us together... tortured by thoughts of you with her.

i am the woman who you once called Okashi Kyouki.

this is start of my journey.