Day 26: My Heart Song Today

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
You're still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you...

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

DAY 22: I am Superman

for the first time in three weeks, i got out of bed without asking God why i still woke up today.

that's a good thing, right?

twenty-two days of wanting to die in my sleep...twenty-two days of embracing my wretchedness as if it's the most important thing in the world...twenty-two days of convincing myself albeit tears and loneliness and assaulting memories of our "good" times together that ending it was all for the best.

twenty-two days of surviving without him.

TWENTY-TWO WHOLE FREAKIN' DAYS!!!

no calls, no emails, no chat, no text.

with no anesthesia to dull the pain.

i have taken no alcohol, no sedative, no mind-altering substance, no fuck buddy. i haven't even smoked a single cigarette.

why heap pain on top of pain when you know it's just momentary, right?

sigh...

i feel like Superman right now for what it's worth.

in time, i will conquer this kryptonite.

DAY 10

for two years, i woke up knowing you were there... knowing you loved me.. knowing we had all the time in the world to be together.

today, i woke up to, yet, another day without you.

another day trying to ease the hurt. another day accepting that things have come to an end.

just another day for moving on..

will it ever stop hurting?

i miss you.