Ready Again?

i was listening to a love song early this morning and it suddenly struck me...

i want this.

i want to feel this.

i need to feel love in my life again.

after 6 months of overcoming grief and loss... after 6 months of being alone and re-discovering myself...

i find that i can be happy on my own.. and, yes, i am ready to be happy with someone else.

i am ready to love with a heart that's been broken and made whole again.

i am ready to be loved in return and to let someone in.

i am ready to once again take the risk of being rejected and undergoing heartache.

i am complete. i am whole. finally.

and i am ready.

2008

happy new year, my dear reader...

don't have the luxury for some r&r this holiday season...

haven't got time to reflect about last year... the hardships and the truimphs..

not even have a single new year's resolution in mind yet...

have to go to work.. the vampire lifestyle beckons.

will be back soon.

need to start writing again...

Gregory House's Greatest Moment ;p

We can all applaud the doctor who's willing to break all the rules. But the real hero is the unsung doctor, toiling in anonymity, because he broke the rules without getting caught. I need to know you have these skills.


I need you to bring me the THONG of Lisa Cuddy.


Not kidding. Thong. Cuddy. Go.


hahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

Breaking Free

Peel these cobwebs
From my heart
So I may
Feel whole again

Let hurt consume me
Ravage
Break
Destroy
Me
So I may laugh again

Bleed my mind
Of hate
Resentments
Anger
Mistrusts
So I may run naked
And free
In the rain
To celebrate life

Watch my chest
Heave
And shiver
With scream
As I tear free
The bars
Holding captive
My heart

I am
Not hiding
Anymore

Hardcore?

Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough.

It’s about acceptance.

Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard.

In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do… as long as you choose your moments wisely.
- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy



~@~

i do choose my moments wisely...for crying bouts...pangs of loneliness..paranoia attacks.

i do want to be hardcore. strong. impervious.

somtimes i am...sometimes i am not.

sometimes i feel damaged still....other times i feel more or less healed.

i wish i could just control my thoughts....and therefore control my emotions.

i remember what you told me during the first month that we were together...when the mind and the heart do not contradict each other, that is when you know it's real.

the first and last time this happened to me....was when i fell in love with you.

hardcore or not, it's about accepting the fact that i was wrong that i was done then....that it was you.

letting go is so hard when you are still in love with the person.

then again, time is all i have at the moment.

more please. more time.

Your Voice

i heard your voice even before i set eyes on you.
it was this voice that drew me to you in the very beginning.
it rang with sublime serenity......with eternal wisdom.

the voice of reason, i used to say to myself.

this voice is still etched in my memory..... four months after i last heard it.

i still hear everything you used to tell me somehow.. though you are no longer by my side.
the explanations..
the encouragements..
the truth.

most times, it makes me yearn and hope in vain.
on rare occasions, it saves my sanity.
the memory of your voice fills my mind with light in my darkest hours.

i will never forget your voice nor will i forget the lessons.

even if i love you's uttered have long faded into echoes.......i will carry your voice with me.

soundless as it may be.

Over Love

I have always been the girl who was in love with love.

until now.

for once in my life, i am tired of it.

this concept that has been a source of happiness and fulfillment for almost thirteen years of my life is now buried at the deepest recesses of my mind.

i have fallen out of love with love..

AND it is a good thing.