Easter Egg Hunt

Happy Easter, my dearest reader.

hope you had a meaningful holy week.

i never got the chance to reflect and meditate about what this season really means because i was at work the whole time.

but one thing is for certain.

i'll always think of someone special during easter sunday.

when the eggs are colorful...fun...hidden.

i'll remember that this friend offered to hide these cute little ones for me to hunt.

and i'll never forget how one egg in easter time can mean a century full of smiles. :)

how apologies should be

i want to share a letter a friend of mine gave me. it's sweet...it's flattering.

it made me smile.. even though he hurt me the last time we saw each other.

thus the letter...


for all the awkward times, i guess there are moments when one realizes one was disrespectful to people who deserve better. namely, me to you.

i still don't know any words where our conversations may transcend something more than awkward. our actions, especially my own, seem unable to transcend the superficially lusty.

as badly composed as this message may seem (which also functions as a pseudo-apology) i guess the most i can say is, i can't remember any time when i was with you that i didn't want to go to bed with you. but that's life i suppose.

people just can't seem to go past their initial connections. or their immediate desires.

am i attempting to relinquish or reinforce said desires? i don't know.

for what it's worth, i'm afraid i may have decided to actually look in hindsight and say to myself, what the f_ was i thinking?

you were one among many i guess. some decided there weren't any conversations worth having unless i woke up with them, or vise versa, and some, like you, decided to realize the same question i ask myself now: wtf?

for all such moments, many of which i don't regret but humbly appreciate, many of which i know full well go anathema to every ethical populist principle i've chosen to stand for, what i'm telling you now is this: i would dislike me too.

i miss you in the most awkward way possible. why i miss you i don't know, we never really connected. there won't be any future moments i think. but the past ones, however dumb, insignificant or wondrous, remain as memories should.

lessons ultimately transposed into ideas. appreciative, regretful, etc.

but that's how things go i suppose. what is past is prologue.

and that's that. wish you well candz.

Loveless but Happy

We must learn to be happy without love.

and in spite of it.


~ Love in the Time of Cholera (movie)

and when the night falls....

...my lonely heart calls.


oh, i wanna dance with somebody.
i wanna feel the heat with somebody.
yeah, i wanna dance with somebody.


with somebody who loves me.


la lang. LSS. hayy.

Indecent Proposal

it feels like an epoch since i last felt sexual.

but when i received my second carnal proposal for the year from yet a different source, i was left disconcerted and incredulous.

casual encounters have never floated my boat. though i might have "rowed" other boats and "rocked" them too one time or another in a distant past that has become quite a blur.

but when i politely refused yet again... this time i started to second guess myself..

have i been reduced from being saucy to being sedate?

am i now dowdy and more alarmingly....frigid?

why do i still exude the allure, the elusiveness of a woman ready to be taken when i never expected to feel neither passion nor lust ever again?

my mind is filled with these questions but my body is telling me one thing...

i am desirable. still.

time will come.

and so will i.


heehee ;p

happy birthday to you..

happy birthday, to the love of my life as yet.

we don't talk anymore, i know. i'd love to greet you today but i won't.

i'm sure you understand. i'm sure you know why.

but in my own little way...and inside my own secret world...

i wish you a very happy birthday.

i gave you pieces of myself that i would never want back.

be happy today.. and everyday.

happy birthday to me!

i felt 8,000 years old.

but i felt loved and cherished too.

i forgot how family and friends could make my day.

slices of cake. a cute shirt. a black wrist watch. a chance encounter with an old crush. a new movie buddy. perpetual drinking buddies. a carnal proposal.

my birthday was all that and more. :)